The Greatest Prayer

Like so many women before her, she suffered a devastating miscarriage. It was the end of the first trimester, a time when she thought she was “safe.” She and her husband had gone in for an ultrasound. They could see the baby on the monitor and were excited, not understanding that the silence of the tech was an ominous sign. When the doctor came in the room, it was to inform them that their baby had no heartbeat. That tiny form on the screen wasn’t moving. Joy to devastation in seconds.

It’s called a missed abortion. Horrible words to take in. And to make matters worse, it was a long weekend,and it would be several days before the D&C could be done. She carried the lifeless child in her womb, thinking often that surely she could feel her baby moving. There was no pain, no bleeding, just the heaviness of a mother’s heart, trying desperately to beat for two.

When she woke up in recovery the well-meaning nurse said, “Don’t worry, you can get pregnant again.” They were not comforting words. She went home and slept, her tears trying to fill the void where the baby should have been.

Not long after, she strained the muscles of her chest, finally going to see the doctor because of the pain. Except that it wasn’t her doctor; it was a PA with a heavy hand and harsh words. After examining her he asked bluntly, “Did you want your abortion?” What??!? And instead of kind words and instructions on how to heal from pulled muscles, her wrote down the name of the nearest mental health facility and told her to talk to someone there, as her chest pain was psychosomatic – a physical pain at the loss of her “missed abortion.”

She started to believe his harsh words, thinking there must be something wrong with her, that God was punishing her somehow. Then one night, thinking that maybe she had caused the death of her child in the womb, she wondered if it would be better if she, too, died.

But God was watching over her, protecting her, calling her to him. She went to her journal and carefully wrote out her prayer:

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

And as her fingers spelled out the final “Amen,” her troubled heart filled with peace. She had lost a baby, but God was still there, still present, still loving her and her lost child. Her pulled muscles would heal. But more importantly, in the void where a baby had been, the great Love of God began to take hold and grow.