Absolution

She knew it shouldn’t be such a struggle, but it always was. So much so, that often two years would go by before she could bring herself to go. Excuses were easy: “I don’t want to go to a priest who knows me;” “The weather is getting bad;” “I really haven’t done anything that horrible;” “I can just tell God on my own, he understands.” In her heart, though, none of the excuses really rang true. Finally, after much prayer and self-cajoling, she decided it was time.

The morning started like any other: exercise, dressing, breakfast, morning prayer. She laughed when she got to the reading from Joel: “Return to me with your whole heart, with fasting and weeping, and mourning; rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the Lord your God.” God was being direct – no veiled hints or gentle urgings – just those words, Return to Me. In the silence of the moment, she searched the heart that God was calling for, examining her life and her conscience with the honesty the sacrament demanded.

She got there just as the doors were opening, fifth in line. It felt like only yesterday that she had sat there, not two years. Finally, her turn. The priest welcomed her, prayed with her and then let her talk. She was prepared, even had a written list. He listened patiently, respecting her emotional outpouring. And with the authority only God can give, he stretched out his hand and blessed her, absolving her of her sins in the person of Christ. He gave her penance, Psalm 138, and she was out the door, the next in line taking her place.

She wondered if she had been cheated somehow. Was it really that easy? Shouldn’t she have felt more guilty? Where was the euphoria of a soul cleansed of sin? She went home, gathered herself and her Bible, and read Psalm 138. “On the day I called you answered me, you increased my strength of soul.” And, “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.”

Her whole heart returned to the Lord, who in his infinite mercy had forgiven her sins and looked upon her with compassion, gentleness and love.